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This might be a bit convoluted; apologies if it is difficult to understand.
I have a 5-year-old cat named Rory. I've had him for about a year and a half. I previously had a senior cat of unknown age (estimated 11-14) named Lou, who blessed my life for three beautiful years. After a proper introduction, they got along amazingly, and I can truly say that Rory enriched the last year of Lou's life. Rory genuinely loved Lou from the get-go and decided, on his own, that they were best friends; the intensity of his sentiment was never completely returned, but Lou did like having Rory around.
Lou passed away after a very sudden and unexpected illness in September. He went from healthy to gone in less than ten days, with most of the decline taking place over a handful of days. Rory was wonderful during this, keeping vigil over Lou and trying to comfort him the best he could. His love for Lou made me love him a thousand times more, if that was even possible, and I have found so much comfort in his presence these past few months.
Now to get to the topic of the post: routines. Lou and I had very strict, very choreographed routines. He held me to them. He needed multiple tiny meals a day due to stomach issues, and he would let me know if I was a minute late. We had certain activities we did every day at the exact same time. For example, he needed a tiny amount of prescription dry food for a specific medical issue, and so every day at 8:25PM I would measure out the amount and "hide" it around the apartment. One piece on each layer of the cat trees, one piece on his favorite bed, one piece in his cubby, etc. He would, without fail, wander over to me at 8:24PM and tap me on the leg like, hey, don't forget, it's time for kibble hunting.
When Rory joined us, Lou taught Rory all of the routines. He taught him how to wait for his food properly. He taught him how to kibble hunt. We could also play 'kibble toss', where I would toss a piece of kibble across the apartment and make Lou chase it and 'hunt' it. He and Rory took to separate sides of the apartment for this and loved it.
At night, after eating, Lou would come into my bed to rest. Rory would, without fail, cry for a little bit; he wanted to be in the living room, and he wanted us to be in the living room too. One of three things would happen. Either I would get up to check on him (sometimes his microchip feeder bowl wouldn't trigger for some reason, or some activity outside had gotten him overly excited and he needed a few more minutes of play), or Lou would get up to bonk him on the head to tell him to shush, or Rory would get tired, realize we where we were, and come join us in my room. Either way, it never took very long for Rory to settle down.
When Lou passed, I tried my best to continue the routines. However, Rory mourned hard, and a lot of the things we did together no longer seemed to be fun to him without Lou around. For a while, he simply curled up in bed with me at night. As the weeks passed, he started to have some interest in our old routines, although at different times; he wants to 'kibble hunt' in the morning now, for example, and his energy peaks have completely changed. I did not realize how much energy he burnt rolling around with Lou every day. I have increased his play dramatically to make up the difference. (However, he is still not a very playful cat; I tried to adopt a younger cat to keep him company and to play with, and he was so overwhelmed with the energy of a genuinely playful cat that he started having panic attacks. It made me realize that is actual playfulness level, on a scale from 1-10, is probably closer to a 4-5 than a 6-7 like I'd thought. The younger cat has since been rehomed for the betterment of both lives.)
The problem now is that Rory is restless at night. He will cry and wander the apartment, wailing, only stopping when someone enters the living room--which sometimes only happens because we need to get something from the kitchen. He has full access to every room in the apartment, but he wants people in the living room with him. I have tried so hard to establish a new nighttime routine for him now that Lou is not here to lead the way, but nothing seems to work. It doesn't matter how much I play with him, or what order I play/feed him in, or anything. I've tried giving him larger nighttime meals, smaller ones, calming supplements... he still just cries from the living room. He will walk into my room, one of his favorite shrimp toys in his mouth, wail at me, and then walk out still crying. I've tried giving him a special treat from my bed right before turning out the lights... I've tried leaving his cat TV on dim and quiet in the living room... I have Feliway going just in case... I'm honestly stumped.
I don't care if he is awake at night and not asleep with me. He has tons of toys he can play with and things to entertain him if he wants. I leave the blinds open so he can look outside from his cat trees. He is not a destructive cat so I don't worry about him breaking things if he gets zoomies. But I can't leave and sleep in the living room like he wants me to.
If I ignore him, he will get louder and louder and more pained. It breaks my heart, honestly, as I know a lot of it is just loneliness on his part. Like I mentioned before, I tried to adopt another cat to keep him company, but it ended up being a terrible match due to lack of accurate information on the shelter's part. I am hoping to try again in a few months (and will opt for an older cat next time, with a longer record of actual energy level/cat socialization) but until then, I guess I just am hoping to find some more ideas and techniques to help Rory feel more secure and calm at night.
Closing him in my room would make it worse. Closing my door is not an option. For what it's worth, it took me over a year and a half to get into a good nighttime routine with Lou, so I know it takes time. I'm just lost in this case because Lou's motivation for keeping me up was simple to solve--he was just hungry--whereas Rory is... fixated on the living room. I've half-considered moving my bed out here but that feels ridiculous. Rory is an anxious cat in general, though, so I know there has to be something I'm not thinking of.
I have a 5-year-old cat named Rory. I've had him for about a year and a half. I previously had a senior cat of unknown age (estimated 11-14) named Lou, who blessed my life for three beautiful years. After a proper introduction, they got along amazingly, and I can truly say that Rory enriched the last year of Lou's life. Rory genuinely loved Lou from the get-go and decided, on his own, that they were best friends; the intensity of his sentiment was never completely returned, but Lou did like having Rory around.
Lou passed away after a very sudden and unexpected illness in September. He went from healthy to gone in less than ten days, with most of the decline taking place over a handful of days. Rory was wonderful during this, keeping vigil over Lou and trying to comfort him the best he could. His love for Lou made me love him a thousand times more, if that was even possible, and I have found so much comfort in his presence these past few months.
Now to get to the topic of the post: routines. Lou and I had very strict, very choreographed routines. He held me to them. He needed multiple tiny meals a day due to stomach issues, and he would let me know if I was a minute late. We had certain activities we did every day at the exact same time. For example, he needed a tiny amount of prescription dry food for a specific medical issue, and so every day at 8:25PM I would measure out the amount and "hide" it around the apartment. One piece on each layer of the cat trees, one piece on his favorite bed, one piece in his cubby, etc. He would, without fail, wander over to me at 8:24PM and tap me on the leg like, hey, don't forget, it's time for kibble hunting.
When Rory joined us, Lou taught Rory all of the routines. He taught him how to wait for his food properly. He taught him how to kibble hunt. We could also play 'kibble toss', where I would toss a piece of kibble across the apartment and make Lou chase it and 'hunt' it. He and Rory took to separate sides of the apartment for this and loved it.
At night, after eating, Lou would come into my bed to rest. Rory would, without fail, cry for a little bit; he wanted to be in the living room, and he wanted us to be in the living room too. One of three things would happen. Either I would get up to check on him (sometimes his microchip feeder bowl wouldn't trigger for some reason, or some activity outside had gotten him overly excited and he needed a few more minutes of play), or Lou would get up to bonk him on the head to tell him to shush, or Rory would get tired, realize we where we were, and come join us in my room. Either way, it never took very long for Rory to settle down.
When Lou passed, I tried my best to continue the routines. However, Rory mourned hard, and a lot of the things we did together no longer seemed to be fun to him without Lou around. For a while, he simply curled up in bed with me at night. As the weeks passed, he started to have some interest in our old routines, although at different times; he wants to 'kibble hunt' in the morning now, for example, and his energy peaks have completely changed. I did not realize how much energy he burnt rolling around with Lou every day. I have increased his play dramatically to make up the difference. (However, he is still not a very playful cat; I tried to adopt a younger cat to keep him company and to play with, and he was so overwhelmed with the energy of a genuinely playful cat that he started having panic attacks. It made me realize that is actual playfulness level, on a scale from 1-10, is probably closer to a 4-5 than a 6-7 like I'd thought. The younger cat has since been rehomed for the betterment of both lives.)
The problem now is that Rory is restless at night. He will cry and wander the apartment, wailing, only stopping when someone enters the living room--which sometimes only happens because we need to get something from the kitchen. He has full access to every room in the apartment, but he wants people in the living room with him. I have tried so hard to establish a new nighttime routine for him now that Lou is not here to lead the way, but nothing seems to work. It doesn't matter how much I play with him, or what order I play/feed him in, or anything. I've tried giving him larger nighttime meals, smaller ones, calming supplements... he still just cries from the living room. He will walk into my room, one of his favorite shrimp toys in his mouth, wail at me, and then walk out still crying. I've tried giving him a special treat from my bed right before turning out the lights... I've tried leaving his cat TV on dim and quiet in the living room... I have Feliway going just in case... I'm honestly stumped.
I don't care if he is awake at night and not asleep with me. He has tons of toys he can play with and things to entertain him if he wants. I leave the blinds open so he can look outside from his cat trees. He is not a destructive cat so I don't worry about him breaking things if he gets zoomies. But I can't leave and sleep in the living room like he wants me to.
If I ignore him, he will get louder and louder and more pained. It breaks my heart, honestly, as I know a lot of it is just loneliness on his part. Like I mentioned before, I tried to adopt another cat to keep him company, but it ended up being a terrible match due to lack of accurate information on the shelter's part. I am hoping to try again in a few months (and will opt for an older cat next time, with a longer record of actual energy level/cat socialization) but until then, I guess I just am hoping to find some more ideas and techniques to help Rory feel more secure and calm at night.
Closing him in my room would make it worse. Closing my door is not an option. For what it's worth, it took me over a year and a half to get into a good nighttime routine with Lou, so I know it takes time. I'm just lost in this case because Lou's motivation for keeping me up was simple to solve--he was just hungry--whereas Rory is... fixated on the living room. I've half-considered moving my bed out here but that feels ridiculous. Rory is an anxious cat in general, though, so I know there has to be something I'm not thinking of.
